Tenderly Strong: Ways Forward in a New World
When Christina [Hughes] sent me her consultation form in preparation for my coaching session one of the questions was, “What image or metaphor comes to mind as you think about yourself at the present time?”. Approaching the form with intuition and quick hand responses – as over thinking such answers often can lead to my trying to say the ‘right’ – I simply answered each question and moved on to the next. To the above one weighted question I typed, “tenderly strong”.
These words sitting next to each other, as different as they are, seemed to find a new relation. The words “tender” and “strong” are not often found in alignment and I’ve been interested to explore further how being tenderly strong might serve me as woman, both professionally and personally, in a time of unprecedented change, unfamiliarity and precariousness.
Being open to change is tender because it often means being in the unknown, letting go of what was once familiar and stepping into new terrain. The past two years has been, as for everyone I know, a shake-up to their known patterns of work and life. We have experienced the shifting sands of a pandemic erupt on the cultural sector in England and cause upset in HE institutions. I, like many, had change occur on the personal front that included a separation from a partner and losses in social connections and friendships. Many of us moved geographic locations to be closer to loved ones, nature or to reap the benefits of working remotely.
In reflection, it has been my education and work within the Humanities – the study of human culture – as well as my training and career in dance and choreographic practice that has most served me in the waves of intense change in such short spans of time. For example, my research in relational studies has shown again and again that in the intimacy of connection to self, our environment and each other strength is found. In my interviews with museum staff and with young people I hear personal stories about authenticity, connection and navigating the soft spots of our beingness in a world not always welcoming. Many of us work within a culture demanding us to be strong in, to persevere and to work our way up. Are there other ways besides working that may be more tender? In this time of return to our spaces and places of work and of reintegration into socialising in-person together might it be possible find value in the ways we are not so strong or, perhaps, strong in a different way? A way that embraces the way of tenderness which yields to gentleness, kindness, and affection.
I have learned that it is the softer moments of intimacy and connection where there is solid ground for change, abilities to shine through and, yes, strength. This is not the vulnerability that Brené Brown, in her now famous Ted Talk The Power of Vulnerability, points to. Tender is something that feels, for me, quite different. Tender is also an offering more than a thing that we are as individuals, it includes a sphere of each other. Perhaps tenderly strong can be added to the repertoire of who we are within a multitude of approaches we can choose from to define ourselves as we navigate forward towards our collective and hopefully more liveable futures.
I welcome thoughts on how tender and strong play out in your personal and professional lives and as women and in HE, in particular.
November 2022
Sara’s transdisciplinary research across architecture, choreography, sociology and museology is informed by her 30 years as an internationally recognised dance practitioner. Her research asks pressing questions about the nature of human interaction that finds articulation through public sector spaces such as theatres, museum spaces, health care sites and academia. Her current concern is how expanded choreography can help to change the human imaginary of relationships between bodies and space in ways that can be more inclusive and sustainable. Affiliates include Tate Modern, Art Science Museum Singapore, Van Abbemuseum, Royal Holloway University, Dance East and Coventry University.
For more information visit: https://independentresearcher.academia.edu/SaraWookey